amoying:

looking out for your significant other like

image

hearteyeemoji:

Me if I ever sat next to drake

bombing:

noseblow:

bombing:

i’m on a seafood diet. i only eat seafood

that’s not how the joke goes lmao

do my weight loss goals seem like a fucking joke to you

me nd my pirate girlfriend

tummydrummer:

[holdin hands]

me: bb ur hands r so cold

her: that me hook

unlawfully:

Having a cute waiter like I’ll have the chicken with a side of that dick

i just burned 1200 calories (i forgot the pizza in the oven)

THEME